


Slugs Eat Cabbage, That's The Joke I Was Going For

by mademoisellePlume



Category: Animorphs - Katherine A. Applegate
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-31
Updated: 2014-05-31
Packaged: 2018-01-27 17:11:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1718252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mademoisellePlume/pseuds/mademoisellePlume
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Being stuck in a tower sucks, basically.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Slugs Eat Cabbage, That's The Joke I Was Going For

**Author's Note:**

> Happy birthday, Rae!! 
> 
> I was bugging her for some sort of prompt I could make awful, and what I got out of her was that she'd like “[her] love of anti-princess in a tower trope with animorphs angst.” 
> 
> ...I can't make that evil, guys. I tried. I failed. I wrote hopefully hilarious fairy tale parody instead.
> 
> Enjoy!

“Go fish.”

“GodaMNIT!” Rachel threw all the cards to the ground. “I AM SO SICK OF CARD GAMES.” She tossed the table over too, just for good measure. “I HATE THIS TOWER, I HATE MY LIFE, AND I HATE YOU!”

Jake sighed and righted the table again. “Isn’t it a little early for your daily temper tantrum?”

“I WANT TO GO OUTSIDE!” Rachel shouted, kicking him in the shin.

“OW! I’m not the one keeping you in here!” Jake was shouting now, grabbing his leg and glaring. “It was your dad who traded you for cabbage, not me!”

“Your brother gave him the idea by doing it first!” Rachel snapped, crossing her arms tightly.

“What the hell is with this family and leafy greens anyways?” Jake mused, distracted by the strange Berenson trait.

“CHILDREN ARE YOU FIGHTING AGAIN?”

“No, Crayak!” They chorused immediately, trading glances as the voice from their guardian thundered up from the ground outside. Neither of them went to go look at the giant red eyeball of a warlock, having forgotten he’d set up shop outside to work on a spell while sucking on their lifeforce’s to power it.

“DO I NEED TO SEND THE NANNY UP THERE?”

“We’re fine, Crayak!” They chorused again, making identical faces at the thought of dealing with the Drode who would basically just sit on the window ledge and make fun of how long their hair was while refusing to procure them scissors.

“IF YOU’RE SURE. I’LL VISIT AGAIN TOMORROW, CHILDREN.”

The sense of his awful presence receded.

Rachel sat on the windowsill and sighed dramatically. “I wanna go fight someone who’s not you. I know all your weak spots.”

Jake rolled his eyes and pretended to shove her out the window. “I bet they’d have different sorts of outfits out there.” He pointed out, purely to watch her eyes light up with enthusiasm.

<Hey.> A bird fluttered to the windowsill to perch in-between them, fixing them each with a steely predator’s gaze.  <Anyone want to double-check if I’m a Prince in the shape of a bird?”

Rachel pecked the top of his feathered head. “Nope, still seem to be a peasant that was good enough at magic to turn bird and bad enough not to be able to turn back.”

“I’m pretty sure the kisses-cure-Princes counter-spell is a rumour.” Jake added, leaning back his head and enjoying the sun.

<What, do you think I’m just saying this out of some sort of scheme to get kisses from long-haired beauties?> Tobias asked, and Jake was pretty sure if a hawk could wink, Tobias would be winking right then.

“Jakey-boy, Jakey-boy, let down your hair that is even longer than mine, I don’t know what my mother complains about, seriously. Like, wow, big deal, my hair brushes my shoulder, it doesn’t brush the grass, let alone from the top of a TOWER.”

“Marco’s here.” Rachel told him unnecessarily, shoving both of their lengths of hair so they fell down to the ground. Hers was nicely braided, his was left loose no matter how she fussed at him. His hair just seemed to be something he was never really aware of, or inclined to care for.

“He’s not the only one.” Jake noticed, seeing Rachel’s hair pull taut as well, grimacing when his did and holding onto the windowsill as Marco started his slow ascent.

Cassie got up top first. “I brought you guys some cabbage!” She announced and they both groaned.

“What? That’s my mother’s favourite vegetable. Just because you guys got screwed over by it doesn’t mean it’s actually evil.” Marco panted, falling onto the floor from the windowsill.

Another bird flew in and turned into a very pretty young man with light brown skin. He was better at turning back human than his nephew was. “It’s actually evil. Eeeeeevil.” English not being his first language, he tended to play with words more often than not.

“I just brought it because all that warlock feeds you two is meat. You need some vegetables. The vegetables are not evil.” She directed a scowl at Ax and shoved a bag of greens at Jake, whos stared down at them, dismayed. “Eat.”

“Eeeeevil.” Ax muttered.

Jake slumped his shoulders and nibbled on a leaf, unable to actually say no to the prettiest girl he’d ever seen who he wasn’t related to in any way.

“Oh hey cards! Anyone up for Go Fish?!” Marco asked brightly, gathering the spilled cards off the floor.

Rachel groaned loudly and overdramatically collapsed into Jake’s arms. (She knocked the cabbage to the ground. Best cousin ever.)


End file.
